It’s been a month since I haven’t posted anything on my blog although I felt like doing it so many times. However, I just can’t x-out the snoozy part in me .Yesterday i had a long chat with my dear friend and that very conversation made me to write this big FAT post.So here i go...
There are two types of young women. One, those who are enlisted on any or all of the various matrimony sites or Two, those who rebelled against it or are the fruits of the lions who rebel against it when it was their time. My friend believed herself to be the fruit of one such loin until she was proved wrong by being colorfully displayed as a ‘Simple, caring, traditional girl’ on a presumed to be a top notch matrimonial site.
Like her I am about to enter a tragic phase of life. The phase which every person, be it man or woman cannot escape. The phase in your life which your parents have been waiting for ‘Like a Boss’. If you are an Indian, your life cycle has been genetically designed to endure the pain of arranged marriages, unless off course you create an outburst in your family and zip them up. This generally results in dramatic tears, exchange of chilli paste coated words and in the worst case scenario, disowning the offspring.
I was born on 28th april 1991 at 6:10 am in a place called Udhampur in J&K and before my first birthday on 28th april 1992, my Kundli was custom made by an astrologer who claimed that he was King Aurangzeb’s favourite general Mr. Mir Jumla in his previous birth :P
Just a few more months and i would step out of my student life and then I would be "The Ripe Mango" which my granny thinks should be sold fast. Everything that glitters is not gold and since it is the most essential item in any wedding, sometimes more important than the bride itself, the gold accumulation had started the moment I got out of school and into the my engineering college.
Fortunate I am that my parents did not hitch me up while I am still in college.But its not the case with many of my friends.Many of them have their parents doing arrange marriage "tandav" on their head and i am pretty sure the moment I will be done with my college life, my mom who believes in pandits would approach an assumed to be famous astrologer who would sleepily ask for my birth date, place and time. He would then make some geometric designs on a piece of paper and write utter gibberish and finally come up with a prediction that i should be ruining somebody’s life by 25. :P
*sigh*
BUT me....i am never going to surrender my wishes.Sacrifice is not the word for me. C'mon i am a fruit of that lion who rebelled against this arrange marriage shit.
Arranged marriage is like a menu card.
1. Caste-Subcaste 1, 1.1, 1.2...., Subcaste 2, 2.1.2.2.....
2. Dowry-Lakhs or crores. Anything less, its a road-side eatery
3. Things that come free with dowry-car, gold etc etc etc.....
its a one time opportunity for the guy's family. Its the culmination of the family's efforts to get a degree and a green card tagged to the guy. Probably India is the only place where we find a third source of capital- equity, debt and dowry.
4. Assets-no pun intended ;) for god's sake...remember, the parents are reading the menu...
5. Color of skin- Dark(mentioned as wheatish), Fair, Very Fair
6. Education
The funny part of an arranged marriage is the afford-ability or freedom to choose from the menu. So surely its an advantage for the guys!! You get most of the things you want!!!
Does it end here? not yet....you have permutations and combinations of stars and planets that must match. I swear I will murder the next guy who discovers another planet in our solar system. We have enough to confuse us.
the most funny thing about this whole never ending crap is after shortlisting a few candidates based on the menu criteria comes the doom day..the actual meeting
After the usual "Namastes-jees" and "Beta idhar aake bethos" the BIG moment arrives. The bride-to-be-or-not- to-be arrives all decked out in the finest silk sari that her mom could borrow from the neighbors. Tea set in hand (which, of course, belongs to Mrs. Merateasetlelo(take-my-tea-set) down the street) she walks towards the groom-to-be-or-not-to-be a little hesitatingly. Her parents look at her adoringly forgetting for that instant all the hassles they had to go through to get her to agree to see this highly recommended catch. She peeks at the guy and almost faints!
Bride-to-be-or-not-to-be: (Ewwwww! how can i spend the rest of my life with *this champu*!?) Hello (to the guy)Namastejee (to the ma and pa)
Groom-to-be-or-not-to-be: (*Drool*drool*drool* Hmmm...I wonder if my drool is very obvious? Maybe I should wipe it off...?) Namaste (to the girl).
Guy's Dad: (Hmmm..I wonder if Mr. Ladki ka baap knows anyone in the Ministry..) Namaste beti (to the daughter).
Guy's Mom: (Did I just see her stoop to the left a little when she walked...?) Beti mere paas aake baitho.
Gal's Dad: (Hmmm..I wonder if Drool's-Dad knows anyone in the Industry..) Beti chai idhar rakh do.
Gal's Mom: (God, I hope she doesn't drop the tea pot all over him... )
after all the drama and a few baseless chit chats the crucial point approaches. A decision is made about the future course of action and whether these two lonely hearts will be united or an attempt at doing so .And this results in a senario somewhat like this
I might have an easy time understanding the concept behind rocket science .However the whole idea of an ‘arranged’ marriage is beyond my scope.Chat mangni pat bhya..
The way marriages get ‘arranged’ superceeds the futility of love at first sight type-a deal...
A quality relationship deserves quality time to grow than rush in to idiotic societal pressures and the myth of marriageable age.What the heck is this marriageable age?We are shouldering professional responsibities but how emotionally matured are we to get into an alliance and stay committed for a lifetime.Its a big decision and not something that can be rush in a matter of eight days.so screwy…Togetherness is fantastic and wonderful.Do we plan our careers in haste?
Then why such a haste with regard to marriage?
p.s wrote in hurry..excuse me for the errors if any :)
20 comments:
And more funny thing is that these arranged items don't break Up....O_O
I also might wright something about it, but right now gonna steal this last image and posing it on my blog .
Whao! I can imagine being in this situation. Getting involved in arranged marriage? Not my type. Well, every race has a tradition and only the people in this vicinity know how to handle it. It's so sad as I have a friend also from India who was forced into marriage against her will. So sad to having the thought to sleep with a stranger. Someone who never really knew who you were or what kinda things you like.
3 of my Indian friend married by arranged marriage....I was totally shocked the first time I heard such thing, I remember we where having tea during break time when my friend received a call from his mum saying he is going to marry this girl (2nd grade cousin of his) 13 years younger!!! well it did work out...at least it seams to have...they have 2 kids and an other on the way! so guess sometimes they do work....
my opinion? I just cant understand the point of an arranged marriage! if parents like so much the mentioned person why they don't adopt him\her?
yet an other great post ^^ thanks
It's a nice post. Truth sheds through every stroke of your fingers on the key board. It's a custom that requires serious consideration and rethinking. Ancient Indian history proves that even in ancient times also, people(especially girls) could freely choose their mate through sayambar sabha . I like this post of yours. keep it up.
Well I will have to agree that I cannot gives you cheers… at least not full fingers for this post… there are lots of things to debate…. It’s like Mixed Truth… or the other way Mixed Lies…. But doesn’t have much space here to write what I feel or believe about it…
But again well written... loved the way u presented… :) <3
Nice post Udita!!! But unfortunately am also getting married couple of days(27th Oct,2012), off course it's arrange marriage :)
Whereas in Southern India we see many people wearing Sarees, Pants, Shirts etc,
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So True and beautifully written!! :)
First, Sorry for coming so strangely....
Second, Everything has pros and cons... and so does arranged marriage.. :D and baap re...u see so much of hindi movies i think... Well lots of things being changed and lots can be changed if we want...
Firstly girls are so advance that thy got menu too... :P (and trust me, thy got long list thn guys... :D) and moreover arrange marriage are not tht waste (if ur parents are as friendly as mine)....just think u can choose and select the person who touches your heart (with few earlier meetings) and thn to know him all in the courtship period... and all this at your choice with permission of your parents (..its so exiting, if u take it other way, like...ur parents showing u guys/girls...how interesting is tht... :P)..
And its the way it happens in love marriage too... firstly whn u see a person a feeling comes tht u like him tht way or not...in next few meets decide tht he/she is good or not... and thn u go on with the person...so the same can be followed in this too... ;)
But ya...i truly support u on few thngs...like...
1)Dowry yuks... ;)
2) Marriage pressure and those traditions...sucks...lol..
But ya...i enjoyed reading your mind... :D
Have a great lif... :P
It's nice to learn about arranged marriage, I didn't know that there's a lot of process involved in it. Perhaps there wasn't much problems with arranged marriage in the past that this tradition still continues on.
That is the beauty of Arranged marriage .. Love after marriage .. ;) For The First Timer
what an interesting post! i'm proud of you for standing up for what you believe in instead of just bowing to and following what people want/expect you to do. all the best to you Udita! :)
This is very interesting post..and nice review about this article..this is looking awesome..You doing great job..thanks for sharing here.
Indian Wedding Planner
Once the prospective bride and groom is selected by the families and their kundlis matched to make sure that they have a happy married life , the big Indian wedding starts unfurling with its numerous unique culture. Marriage will happen to everyone sooner or later. May be you are busy pubbing and clubbing today but for a happy and secure tomorrow marriage is the only way out. Indian Marriages are not only about the couple, they involve the whole family. The Mehndi night is a festive night in the girl's family where professional Mehndi artists draw intricate designs in henna on the hands of the bride and other female members. During the Sangeet, professional entertainers are brought to regale the guests.
The individuals not only marry each other but tie an everlasting bond with each other's family. The Shagun is exchanged by the prospective families which consist of numerous gifts to the soon to be the wed couples. The wedding rituals start with the Haldi ceremony that is done to purify and ready the bride and groom for their union. Haldi and oil is poured over their body and hair by the family members after which they are forbidden to leave their house.
When any one's marriage is settled, an auspicious day is fixed for the wedding. On the appointed day the bridegroom is taken in a grand procession to the bride's house. He is generally clad in white silk with saffron spots on it. He wears a crown of flowers on his head. He is seated on a fine mare and is joined by a large number of men carrying different sorts of articles of pomp and grandeur. He is accompanied by his relatives and friends who are attired in their best clothes. The children wear very gaudy dresses. The procession is generally led by a band. At intervals fire-works are let off.
When the matrimony procession reaches the bride's house, shouts of welcome in different forms rend the air. The Swaagat is the ritual to welcome the groom and his entourage by the bride's family. The kith and kin of the bride come out to receive the bride-groom and his party and conduct them to a hall richly decorated and illuminated for the occasion. The bride watches the arrival from one window of the house, careful not to gaze upon his face and then comes out to welcome him. The guests and visitors take their seats in the same hall where they are served with tea and sweets. Some who are accustomed to smoke are offered hookas. Afterwards they are led to the dining hall where sweets, pudding, puries and other dainties are lavishly served to them.
During Vidai, the bride's brother is entrusted with couple's care. The Baraat leaves for the groom’s house are announced with drum beats and is welcomed by the women of the family. The wedding reception is the party thrown by the groom's family to announce the wedding and this usually takes place a day after the wedding.
Marriage involves all-the families! And the best of all, it Creates Generations! So think guys and hail this medium of happily remaining in a long term relationship.
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Indian Shaadi
Brahmin Shaadi
Historically, the Brahmins in india were divided into two major groups based on geographical origin of the people. The Brahmin groups that lived to the north of the vindhyas were referred to as Dravida Brahmins. Each group was further divided into five sections according to the regions of their settlement.
Sagaai
The Sagaai or the engagement ceremony symbolises commitment However, the South Indian Brahmin do not lay stress on the presence of bride and the groom in their Sagaai, rather it focuses on commitment between the parents of the groom and the bride. 'Latto' i.e., 'engagement plate' Which consist of coconut, flowers, turmeric, betel leaves and betel nuts hold more importance, in their engagement ceremony. The Maithil Brahmin bride of bihar makes her wedding affair stand apart by receiving the blessing from the Dhobi's (washerman's) wife - a compulsory tradition in the Bihari Brahmin wedding.
Haldi
In Haldi ceremony turmeric powder is mixed with milk, almond oil and sandalwood and applied to the bride and the groom. In Kashmiri Pandit this ceremony has a twist becuase cold, white yoghurt is poured on the bride as an alternative to haldi. ritual is followed by a special custom called Shankha (shell) Paula (coral) in bengali Brahmins, where seven married women embellish the bride's hand with red and white bangles, the shell is supposed to calm the bride and the coral is believed to
be beneficial for health. Mehndi is also applied on every bride's hands during the Mehndi ceremony. However, a Bengali Brahmin bride applies alta (red dye).
Jaimala
After the ceremonious arrival of the groom, the garlands are exchanged between the groom and the bride, while the priests chant mantras. Jaimala is the symbol of unifying two souls into one. But in tamil nadu, "Oonjal", a unique jaimala ceremony is performed and could be best decribed as a tug of war. In this ceremony, the women sing songs to encourage the bride and groom to exchange the garlands while the uncles persuade the soon to be couple not to Exchange the garlands.Before the ceremony of jaimala, the bride makes a majestic entry in Bengali weddings.
Mangal Phere
Fire is considered the most pious element in the Brahmin weddings and seven circles around that fire holds the seven promises that the nuptial couple make to each other amidst the Vedic mantras. The Brahmin wedding is deemed incomplete without the seven rounds around the sacred fire. Unlike other Brahmin weddings, in Gujarati weddings only four pheras are taken which are called the mangalpheras where the pheras represent four basic human goals of Dharma, Artha, Kama, and Miksha (religious, moral, prosperity and salvation). Likewise in Malayalee Brahmin weddings, pheras are taken only thrice.
Post wedding ceremony vidaai
After pheras, the bride's family and friend bid her teary vidaai (farewell). The Kashmiri pundits make their vidaai even more special. their charming ritual, "roth khabar" is performed on a saturday or tuesday after the wedding. In Roth
khabar, the bride's parents send a roth (bread decorated with nuts) to their son - in - law's family. But the bride accompanies She stay with her parents and returns only when someone from in laws comes to fetch her back.
Griha pravesh
The new bride is greeted by her mother - in - law with Arti and tilak. The bride, who is regarded as the Goddess laxmi, enters the groom's house after the groom's house after kicking rice - filled pot. In Kannada Brahmin marriages, the groom changes the name of his wife in the name change ceremony where he decides a name for his wife and inscribes it on a plate containing rice with a ring. In Bihar, a very strange ritual is performs at the groom's place.
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